How to reduce social anxiety and expand your social circle

As noted in a recent post, an inadequate social life may be as detrimental to your health as smoking, alcoholism and obesity. This is serious stuff. For those of us who are conscious of healthy living and extending our healthy lifespans, social disconnection needs to be taken as seriously as any other risk factor.

And this may hold particularly true for our community, that of the futurist sci-tech crowd, many of whom are too buried in their work and/or socially awkward (yes, Aspies, I'm talking to you). So, if you're finding it hard to get out and meet people, there are things you can do to remedy the situation.

Dealing with social anxiety

Now, before I get into it, I realize that for many people expanding a social circle is easier said than done. Social anxiety, severe introversion and shyness are serious things. If you suffer from these problems, I suggest the following:

• Role playing: As silly as it may sound, you may wish to start roll playing all by yourself. Or recruit a friend or family member and practice various social scenarios with them. You'll be amazed at how this kind of pre-visualization helps.
• Work within your skill-set: There's no need to completely reinvent yourself. Just remember your strengths and good qualities and work with them. Be sure to operate in social contexts that are familiar and nonthreatening to you.
• Make good eye contact: Practice good eye contact. And that doesn't mean staring. As a rule of thumb, a natural range of eye contact is between 30% to 60% of the time during a conversation. As for you Aspies and Autistics, I know this is physically painful, but practice and regularity will ease the discomfort.
• Have topics ready to discuss: If you're particularly anxious about the conversation itself, be prepared to have a dialogue ready. Make sure your topics are contextually appropriate and interesting, and that you deliver them in a seamless way (i.e. not as non-sequitors).
• Introduce yourself to a stranger: Again, if you're going to approach a stranger, be sure that it's contextually appropriate and that you don't come off as being creepy. Put a smile on your face, introduce yourself, and inject a topic that is consistent with the setting (e.g. "Wow, it's taking forever for the bus to show up today"). The more you do it, the easier it will get.
• Learn social skills: If you're feeling particular helpless, you can sign-up for an assertiveness training class. Community colleges, centers and adult learning facilities often offer free and low-cost classes. Alternatively, you can join an improv class.
• Join a local or online support group: Find forums or classes where other social phobics can get together and share in their struggles and breakthroughs.

Failing this, you may wish to seek professional help; counselors and mental health professionals can help you with your social phobia with talk therapy, medication, and other techniques.

Expanding your social circle

Many of us take our friends and family for granted. We also take our social skills for granted, rarely thinking about the processes required to create and maintain our social circles. Assuming you're starting from scratch (e.g. you've moved to a new city, or you're overcoming social anxiety), there are some things you can do to start your very own social group:

• Work with what you have: Do you have family that lives nearby? If so, you may want to increase your contact with them, especially if you're having trouble meeting and making new friends. This includes not just immediate family, but grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces and cousins. And if you already have a friend or two, be sure to treasure and foster those relationships. You may even want to get to know friends of your friends, and even their family members. Lastly, if you have online friends who live in the area (e.g. through Facebook, Twitter or chat sites), be sure to organize a meet-up. If this is too much too soon, set-up a video chat as an intermediary step to meeting in person.
• Pursue your passions in a social setting: You will stand a far better chance of meeting new friends when (1) you're in a setting that you're passionate about and comfortable in, (2) you're seen as someone who clearly has a specific interest and skill, and (3) you're surrounded with like-minded individuals. At the very least, you'll have fun doing what you love doing. Ideas include sports, public speaking, politics, games, crafts and so on.
• Organize!: Why wait for someone else to organize something when you can? Create a meetup online. Help a friend set-up a party. Create a new group and schedule get-togethers. There's lots you can do, here.
• Be the fun guy/gal: This might take you a bit out of your comfort zone, but it's important that you come across as being a genuinely fun, happy, and interesting person. Ultimately, you want to make people feel good when they're around you. If you project positive qualities, those around you will suck it up like a sponge and continue to want to hang out with you.
• Make an effort: All of this advice will be for naught if you don't actively pursue friendships. Go into these settings with the mindset that you will meet new people. Approach strangers and introduce yourself. Build on familiarity and take it to the next stage by inviting your new acquaintances to alternative venues, like a bar or sporting event. Failing that, learn to enjoy the company of others in these settings. Remember, the goal here is to reduce the ill effects of social isolation.

As a last piece of advice, realize that there are a lot of people out there who would be happy to know you. Borrowing an axiom from the dating world, just remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Moreover, people are, for the most part, genuinely nice and well intentioned. Creating or increasing a social circle takes time, patience and persistence, but the payoffs are certainly well worth it. Your efforts will undoubtedly translate to positive and formative experiences.

Cognitive liberty and right to one's mind

We've been having a great discussion here at Sentient Developments on cognitive liberty and neurodiversity thanks to our guest blogger, Casey Rae-Hunter. Be sure to check out his recent posts, "Neuroplasticity and Coordinated Cognition: the Means of Self-Mastery?", "Neurodiversity vs. Cognitive Liberty", "Neurodiversity vs. Cognitive Liberty, Round II."

I'd now like to take a moment and address some issues as they pertain to cognitive liberty, a topic that I believe will start to carry some heavy implications in the near future.

Cognitive liberty is not just about the right to modify one's mind, emotional balance and psychological framework (for example, through anti-depressants, cognitive enhancers, psychotropic substances, etc.), it's also very much about the right to not have one's mind altered against their will. In this sense, cognitive liberty is very closely tied to freedom of speech. A strong argument can be made that we have an equal right to freedom of thought and the sustained integrity of our subjective experiences.

Our society has a rather poor track record when it comes to respecting the validity of certain 'mind-types'. We once tried to "cure" homosexuality with conversion therapy. Today there's an effort to cure autism and Asperger's syndrome -- a development the autistic rights people have railed against. And in the future we may consider curing criminals of their anti-social or deviant behaviour -- a potentially thorny issue to be sure.

There are many shades of gray when it comes to this important issue. It's going to requiring considerable awareness and debate if we hope to get it right. Your very mind may be at stake.

Neuroethical conundrums

Forced cognitive modification is an issue that's affecting real people today.

Aspies for Freedom claims that the most common therapies for autism are exactly this; they argue that applied behaviour analysis (ABA) therapy and the forced suppression of stimming are unethical, dangerous and cruel, as well as aversion therapy, the use of restraints and alternative treatments like chelation. Jane Meyerding, an autistic person herself, has criticized any therapy which attempts to remove autistic behaviors which she contends are behaviors that help autistics to communicate.

As this example shows, the process of altering a certain mind-type, whether it be homosexuality or autism, can be suppressive and harsh. But does the end justify the means? If we could "cure" autistics in a safe and ethical way and introduce them to the world of neurotypicality should we do it? Many individuals in the autistic/Asperger's camp would say no, but there's clearly a large segment of the population who feel that these conditions are quite debilitating. Not an easy question to answer.

This is an issue of extreme complexity and sensitivity, particularly when considering other implications of neurological modification. Looking to the future, there will be opportunities to alter the minds of pedophiles and other criminals guilty of anti-social and harmful behaviors. Chemical castration may eventually make way to a nootropic or genetic procedure that removes tendencies deemed inappropriate or harmful by the state.

Is this an infringement of a person's cognitive liberty?

Neuroconformity vs. neurodiversity

Consider the deprogramming of individuals to help them escape the clutches of a cult. The term itself is quite revealing: notice that it's deprogramming, not reprogramming -- a suggestion that the person is being restored to a pre-existing condition.

But what about those cases like pedophilia or autism where there is no pre-existing psychological condition for those persons, save for whatever mind-state society deems to be appropriate? This is the (potential) danger of neuroconformism, the evil flipside to neurodiversity. Without a broad sense and appreciation for alternative mind-types we run the risk of re-engineering our minds into extreme homogeneity.

Now I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't treat sociopaths in this way. What I'm saying is that we need to tread this path very, very carefully. Manipulating minds in this way will have an irrevocable impact on a person's sense of self. In a very profound way, a person's previous self may actually be destroyed and replaced by a new version.

For us Buddhists this doesn't tend to be a problem as we deny the presence of a singular and immutable self; what we can agree on, however, is that our agency in the world is heavily impacted by our genetics and environment which leads to a fairly consistent psychology -- what we call personalities and tendencies. In most cases, we tend to become attached to our personality and tendencies -- it's what we like to call our 'self.' And it's perfectly appropriate to want to retain that consistent sense of self over time.

So, if one applies a strict interpretation of cognitive liberty, a case can be made that a sociopath deserves the right to refuse a treatment that would for all intents-and-purposes replace their old self with a new one. On the other hand, a case can also be made that a sociopathic criminal has forgone their right to cognitive liberty (in essence the same argument that allows us to imprison criminals and strip them of their rights) and cannot refuse a treatment which is intended to be rehabilitative.

I am admittedly on the fence with this one. My instinct tells me that we should never alter a person's mind against their will; my common sense tells me that removing sociopathic tendencies is a good thing and ultimately beneficial to that individual. I'm going to have to ruminate over this one a bit further...

As for autistism, however, I'm a bit more more comfortable suggesting that we shouldn't force autistics into neurotypicality. At the very least we should certainly refrain from behavior therapy and other draconian tactics, but I have nothing against educating autistics on how to better engage and interact with their larger community.

And to repeat a point I made earlier, we should err on the side of neurodiversity and a strong interpretation of cognitive liberty. The right to our own minds and thoughts is a very profound one. We need to be allowed to think and emote in the way that we want; the potential for institutions or governments to start mandating to us what they consider to be "normal thinking" is clearly problematic.

So fight for your right to your mind!

An Introduction

Casey Rae-Hunter is guest blogging this month.

Greetings, all.

It's my pleasure to be contributing to Sentient Developments through the month of October. Being asked to come aboard was not quite as much of a shock as, say, US President Barack Obama getting a wake-up call about winning the Nobel, but as an avid reader of SD, I'm nevertheless honored to chip in at one of the finest future-forward sites on the planet (and maybe beyond).

Now that the flattery's out of the way, allow me to introduce myself and some topics I'll be covering during my tenure.

I'm a 35-year old political communications professional from Washington, DC. The core of my work is in media policy, which puts me at the spear's tip of fascinating debates concerning Internet and broadcast issues, copyright, technology and law. I probably won't be blogging about many of those topics, but I figured a little context is appropriate in this getting-to-know you phase.

Here's an important caveat: while I have an abiding interest in science and technology, I have but a layman's background in each. So as I'm waxing philosophic about H+ or possible futures in cognitive development, remember that I do so as a observer, not an expert. One of the reasons that I gladly accepted George's invite to contribute is because I knew it would be an incredible learning experience. I encourage readers to correct me where I'm wrong and not to be shy about expanding my horizons on any given topic.

Speaking of "given topics," one that I plan to examine in some detail is that of neurodiversity. In August 2009, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, confirming what my wife and I had long suspected. Part of my coming to terms with this new information was to begin publishing an adult-AS blog, Autistic in the District, which functions as an adjunct to my main site, The Contrarian Media — a daily publication featuring 11 active contributors who write on everything from paranormal investigation to politics. To be sure, I could have tossed in the occasional rumination on living with "high functioning autism," and no one would've been outraged. Yet I wanted to personalize my experiences in the form of a true web journal, which The Contrarian most assuredly is not. My wife also wanted to offer "aspie"-oriented book reviews and talk about the positive aspects of being a "neurotypical" spouse married to someone with AS. Because a lot of what's online is pretty negative in that regard.

I'm not gong to go into the litany of reasons I decided to "disclose to the world," but the predominant motive was to serve as a positive example for other adult aspies. It's important to remember that the condition is relatively new in terms of clinical understanding and observation, having only been part of standard Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnoses since 1992. That means that most of the current strategies vis-a-vis Asperger's focus on children and young adults. There's nothing wrong with this, but having grown up in an era when there was no "autistic spectrum" — just tragically non-communicative individuals whose condition was thought to be brought on by "refrigerator mothers" — I know there are a great many other adults with AS who might feel sympatico with my own aspie experiences. I'm also interested in contributing to the robust public debate about whether Asperger's and other PDDs are actually gifts, rather than afflictions.

So what does any of this have to do with cognitive destiny and/or design? That's what I hope to ponder during my October hitch. Of course, I may also do the occasional theoretical tap-dance around the Fermi Paradox and the intersection of Buddhism and neuroscience. Because this is Sentient Developments, after all!

But I don't want to spoil anything, so I'll leave it at that. Thanks again to my gracious digital host — I'll talk to you soon. . .

Casey Rae-Hunter is a writer, editor, musician, producer and self-proclaimed "lover of fine food and drink." He is the Communications Director of the Future of Music Coalition — a Washington, DC think tank that identifies, examines, interprets and translates issues at the intersection of music, law, technology and policy. He is also the founder and CEO of the Contrarian Media Group, which publishes The Contrarian and Autistic in the District — the latter a blog about Asperger's Syndrome.

Asperger's gift

A great aspect of futurism these days is just how multi-disciplinary it is.

The recent Convergence08 UnConference was a case in point. This event brought together a diverse array of thinkers with interests spanning the fields of synthetic biology, cognitive science, AI, nanotechnology, political science, economics, cosmology and more. For futurists and transhumanists alike, there's virtually no topic that's off limit -- you just need to geek-up the conversation accordingly.

What's equally remarkable to me is that the attendees of these events are typically able to hold their own. I'm always amazed by this when I go these conferences, where each and everyone is a polymath in their own right. Oftentimes what begins as casual conversation routinely develops into brainstorming sessions and on-the-spot theorizing; I often get the feeling that I should be taking notes.

Indeed, you hang out long enough with this crew and you quickly realize that it's hardly a random sampling of the general population; not only do transhumanists tend to be well informed, they're also a very intelligent bunch.

And if you hang out even longer with this group, you will also come to notice the prevalence of Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism (you know, 'Aspies,' those socially awkward types we used to call "nerds" in the old days). So pronounced was this at Convergence08 that it could have doubled as an Asperger's convention.

Affliction or condition?

Which got me thinking about all the talk these days on how Asperger's is a "terrible" disease that's "ravaging" our youth. Given the richness of the conference and my experience with Aspies, I'm not so convinced. There's much more to this issue than meets the eye.

So many parents these days unnecessarily freak out when they find out that their child has Asperger's. In turn, they frantically search for treatments -- everything from anti-depressants and Applied Behavior Analysis (which can include aversion therapy) to homeopathy and detoxification.

These treatments seem to skirt the causal issue; what most people fail to realize is that the growing prevalence of autism is likely due to genetics -- a consequence of the Flynn Effect and smarter people getting together to produce even smarter babies. Smarter, but nerdy babies.

Moreover, Asperger's isn't necessarily something that needs be 'cured' outright. This is a conversation that's sorely lacking in nuance and sophistication. Rather than discuss the finer details of neurodiversity and neurotypicalism, parents are put into a state of panic by autism groups and the media. Consequently, Asperger's is commonly looked at as a disease rather than a valid cognitive style.

Asperger's gift

Now, I fully recognize that Asperger's brings with it some definite disadvantages. I'm well aware of and sympathetic to the hardships that many families face -- the temper tantrums, emotional detachment and frequent social ostracization that's part of the condition. It's not easy for the child or the parents.

At the same time however, many of these disadvantages arise from the expectation of neurotypicality and social conformity. I often feel that it's not the Asperger's child that needs to be re-conditioned, but society itself. Collectively speaking, we need to do a much better job catering to their needs. It's called acceptance and understanding -- and it's an indelible part of our ever growing and increasingly tolerant multi-cultural, multi-racial, multi-neurological, and multi-whatever-comes-next society.

That's not to say that Aspies should do without social skills training or other alternative therapies. It's good to give them the opportunity to learn those soft-skills that will help them get through life and forge positive relationships. It's good to help Aspies develop their motor skills, balance and articulation. But it's the imposed re-wiring of their brain that I worry about and the diminishment of the Asperger's experience.

Indeed, I wouldn't be making this case if I didn't feel there was some value to having Asperger's. Autism, as a social communication and empathy disorder, often manifests in strange ways. Very often the condition brings a cognitive gift along with it. Aspies are typically known to have exceptional math, logic and memorization skills. In addition, they often exhibit higher than average levels of intelligence and a proclivity to microfocus on specific areas of interest. Hence their predominance in the transhumanist community.

And as a result, Asperger's Syndrome has produced some of the finest minds humanity has ever known.

Best of both worlds?

Perhaps someday we'll have the wisdom and know-how to deal with autism and Asperger's in a more elegant way, where our children are given the opportunity to flourish and have the best of both worlds.

But until then we all need to relax and work to become more understanding and accommodating. We also need to acknowledge and celebrate the fact that Aspies live and work among us; they enrich our lives, our society and our culture.

Indeed, after attending Convergence08, I imagined what the conference would have looked like if Aspies weren't around.

The event I imagined was empty in more ways than one.